Wednesday, May 20, 2009

Between You, Me and The Gatepost

After two days coming back late from work, I decided to come back early. However, I had to take home some 'homework', specifically, I brought home 3 plastic bags of exercise books belonging to the other teachers. It was just a check on their work, and I must record this in my observation files.

Just to add insult to injury, my effort of bringing home the exercise books was unjustly rewarded by my own fault of not bringing back the stamp-pad etc etc, which were the items needed to get this !@#$% work done.

Now, suddenly I'm 'out-of-work'!

This blunder is quite a blessing in disguise. Within an hour of 'freedom', I manage to read my mails. Most of the mails are sent by some caring souls who care about my safety and my health. Sincerely, I appreciate your kind thoughts..... I'll make sure that I'll pass the info to other people who wish to be enlightened by such important facts.

I may not be able to keep in touch in other ways, but I do acknowledge the support I receive , I really do. Thank you..........

Monday, May 18, 2009

I Am Smiling

Pang! We were awakened by a noise at three in the morning. My 'hero' tiptoed to the kitchen where the sound was heard. The 'brave' me followed him in the hope of finding something harmless.

Oh, indeed it was. It's only a cat toppling my favourite pot (which had cost me almost an arm and a leg), which was already smashed to pieces..... I sighed at the thought of cleaning the floor at this wee hours. My curious little girls were found standing at the door almost as soon as I started picking up the toughened glass... I glanced at them, not really expecting them to lend a hand. However, Naimah seemed more than willing to do a fair share of this tedious cleaning-up duty. Thank you, thank you.... with her help, the job was done in about half-an-hour.

I quickly went back to bed after that, thinking that Mondays are mostly the most challenging days.....furthermore, there would be a celebration of Teachers' Day. I was smiling before I dozed off....

Fast forward, the students seemed pretty excited about giving teachers presents of all sorts. Some of the gifts could be bought at the RM2 shop, but the teachers did not seem to be bothered by the low price. Some of my students gave me a hug..... even that was sufficient.

At 10.45 am, lessons were carried out as usual. In fact, I had a class that ended at 4pm. Before I entered the class, I found Encik A reading his PTK results slip. Wow! He had scored the best grade (which was a '4'). This reminded me of my own results...........

At the office, when I opened my results slip, little did I know that I was going to see a beautiful '4' printed clearly.

I thank God for being so kind and merciful. I should be smiling (sincerely) and I hope by doing so, I could help others find their own smiles...................

Sunday, May 17, 2009

Silence , It May Be

The rain is pouring outside, as though offsetting the dreary dry spell that we are experiencing lately. "Please....", I have been telling myself, "...whatever the weather, I should be thankful to God".

This is just like bonds and relationships.

A period of silence from others may be a period of agony on our part, that is if we start thinking negatively.........

I shall never allow this to overtake my rational judgement. There is no point brooding over it, as much as I despise bragging about any connections that I may have with anyone .............

I have no control over what others may think of me, but I have control over what I do......and that's exactly what I'll do, may what I do helps me maintain a good 'account' the eyes of God.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

The First Love Is Hard To Forget (continuation)

He was not paying attention to my existence but hey, his smiles had never left his handsome face from the first minute I saw him.

My heart beat was normal.....the vice-president of the college was standing beside me, trying to make me and my friends feel welcome to Kuala Lumpur, the place which I was going to spend my life in the next 18 months. In my eyes, the vice president wanted to seize the chance to make amends for his harsh reminder to me during the first meeting that afternoon.

Actually, I did not really care about the incident that was simply a misunderstanding....between a teenager and a man who had a lot of things to oversee in order to make his project a success. (In fact, he kept on being overly polite to me since then....)

Now, my mind was preoccupied with my new batch of friends, 7 girls and 16 boys..... all of whom seemed excited about starting their matriculation studies at this college. One of the boys (who must have been trying to break the ice) casually asked the girls to introduce ourselves. My sixth sense told me that he might be particularly interested in me........(vain!) But , in fact that was the truth, as revealed by him a few months later.

Ironically, THE OTHER BOY (whose smiles I still remember until today) did not show much progress. He was calmly eating at the table................
(to be continued)

Laser Mouths

Ever got pissed off by sarcastic remarks made by 'some people'?

Yes, join the boat. This boat ain't shaky because we, the passengers are experienced and wise adults (not without flaws, of course).

When I was small, my first disturbance was in the form of teases from cruel people regarding my appearance.

As I graduated from that phase, I was already immune to such childish remarks. In fact, all (or most of) my teenage friends found me to be reasonably friendly and level-headed. I kept on looking for the truth .....of how to counter or become resistant to any hurtful comments.

My first encounter with books on Akhlaq (or morale-boosting tips ) was an eye-opener. Of course my mother had been telling me about what's good and what's bad....but I needed something concrete.

Until now, my search has never been exhaustive, I keep on reading materials which help prevent me from sinking into the river of desperation and helplessness. Whenever I bump into my old friends or my former colleagues, I always remind myself to LISTEN and stop interrupting them when they are telling me about their experience. There is a lot to learn from others, no matter how GREAT we think we are.

All in all, the deduction I can make at this stage is that -the best way to deal with people who love to grumble (and talk bad about almost every thing) , or people who have inferiority complex (but hiding it by acting tough) or people who are simply snobbish and forget how to be respectful by being firm and sure that as long as God is pleased with our actions, and we are doing the right things, then we are better than what 'these' people are trying to make us feel or think about ourselves. No hard feelings.....

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

Talking About First Love

I find it quite amusing to think of my first few years falling in love.

When was that? Ai, cannot tell lor.

Definitely, I'm not referring to my love for my parents or family members.

The man who captured my heart absolutely belonged to the 'good-looking' category of young adults. He was together with a few other boys of his age when I had my first glimpse of him. The other boys were quite rowdy and energetic and they were moving quite fast, unable to stay put at one place.

Being an athlete had exposed me to THAT type of boys.......I mean, I used to study in an all-girls' boarding school which did not allow me any freedom (or to be anywhere near 1 metre from the school gate). My outing was mostly on occasions where I was to take part in sports, either athletic or basketball competitions.

Once, I spent one week in Kelantan when I took part in the National MSSM . The light and slim me was to take part in an athletic event. My contingent consisted of mostly boys , of course. That one week was enough to make me feel unsure that I would ever have any relationship with any boys...simply because I found them to be uncaring and rough.

Well, back to my first love- he was simply different...... at this stage we had not exchanged words but that was exactly how I felt ....
(to be continued)

Monday, May 11, 2009

Love Will Find A Way

Rule number one: use your head more than your heart.

Rule number two: you can't afford to have your head in the clouds

Rule number three: a heart of gold is worth more than a crowned head

Rule number four: go back to Rule number one.

In a nutshell, even though a rational act comes out of a rational mind, at times when the going gets tough, and irrationality is creeping in, a moral support which stems from a genuine love is all it takes to rectify the whole situation.

Love can be wrongly interpreted..........or it can also be abused by someone manipulative..........but most importantly love is the thing that has kept me alive today, yes I mean on Monday, today.

Thank God I know what love is....and what it can do....

Tuesday, May 5, 2009


If you think that I have not written for so long.....well, actually since last week, I have uttered very few words at my workplace too!

Why? - you might ask. I don't have the answer either.

In retrospect, I may have been a bit lethargic lately. Perhaps being a loyal cook to my family is something quite new to me.

Yesterday my school clerk was assigned a duty to type out letters to our ex-students who had been chosen to do form 6. A steady flow of ex-students and parents could be seen 'visiting' the office.

My work has not changed much. I can be seen carrying books to and from the parking lot. Whenever, there is a 'breathing' space, I would try completing marking my students' exercise books , as well as checking exercise books of other classes - just to check whether a healthy amount of written work has been given to the students by all the BM, English Language, Arabic, Tamil, Chinese, EST and the Malay Literature teachers.

May be that answers the question above!