Love-Hate Relationship

I wish I could just leave my medicine aside...........

There are times I wish I knew how to make my own tonic, which can do miracles.

But I should be grateful that I am still strong and alive. Working at home and at the work place.

More importantly, I am with my loved ones, especially during this holiday.....

Maheranhz Identity

Hey man! I had even forgotten my own identity.......

Mark my words.... I should never neglect my true penchant for writing and sharing .... even though I am quite occupied with marking my students' exam scripts.

The last 36 hours have unveiled a series of unpredictable events........

Such as, my golden moments messaging with my friends (hi! remember the fried maggie?)..... my encounter with some bewildering people (and this morning I managed to smile at them)....... and that so-called painstaking effort to keep my cool amidst the stares and 'actually-what-is-happening-at-your-place?' looks which could be quite disconcerting.

But, it's no excuse to my long silence...I admit it.

24 June 2010

That was the last time I had my post done and ready for sharing.... (how I miss the authentic feeling of sharing).

As though roused from a deep slumber, I decided to take a peek at my own blog... hehehe...

Actually, within these 3 months, a number of incidents have proven to be a series of bitter/sweet lessons to me. Come on, I am not THAT naive to claim that every thing is new to me. No, no! they are not all new..... some are even deja vu!

My cat had quite an addition to her family. This time she managed to raise 4 cute kittens...well, until two days ago when the number was drastically shrunk to two. Why so? One of them was last seen dead at the roadside. Another one? Gone..... missing. But one thing for sure..... it was not involved in any of the latest crimes in Malaysia.

I miss my children who are studying in the other states. But I know, the ones who are with me need my attention as much as they rightfully deserve.

On the outward, one may seem quite cold, but deep down, she is indeed caring!

Being Proactive

I do not know whether it is clear that being proactive can hurt.

Yes, it signifies a promising productivity............. a rapid development and perhaps a quicker results.

Having said that, (and having done that), now I realised (and I feel the need for repentance)...that being proactive is applicable only when it is done without having to do it at the expense of others.

Slow down, get the instructions right and work out a strategy by optimizing the time, energy and capital available at our disposal. We are dealing with human beings who need to be treated with dignity.

How I have grown a little bit wiser!

Arghie

Two years ago I wrote about my house being a rendezvous to some stray dogs and cats (not to mention the bees, birds and monkeys).

For the past week, I noticed that a dog has been occupying my parking space at my work place.... of course, we are sharing it as it will slowly creep under my car..... (actually) it has such a limited height to accommodate such a big dog.

But since sharing is caring, I just let the dog enjoy its space.

Shall see you again tomorrow, Arghie!

A Better Head

While nurturing a better heart, I came across a number of incidents which require me to have a better 'head'....

and so, shall be it!

By the way, my mission is accomplished as the thick pile of answer scripts have disappeared from my house! I started marking the exam paper a month ago...... and hence, there is a very good reason for a pompous celebration tonight!

When I Don't Love You Anymore

Dejavu.........

It's the same sort of feelings felt before.......... which would always change my determination.

I don't hate you. Just that.........

........my love is re-engineered towards a better 'horse-power'.

No offence, please. I just don't love you anymore.

Reading Makes A ..............

My penchant for books has not faded.

Yesterday, after coming back from a bookstore in KL, my heart was pounding fast..... exuberantly, I got all the household chores done as soon as possible as my mind was very focused on one thing......... the books which I had just bought.

So, relentlessly (despite the rather extraordinarily quiet night), I spent the entire peaceful night reading a book.......... from cover to cover.

It was simply enlightening ..........

Yellow

I like yellow.

I like black too!

And green..............

Plus I can't differentiate the colour of the clothes worn by others. They all look the same, to me.

But I still like yellow.

Passwords

Help!

I have tonnes of passwords to manage and to remember!

Helpppppppppppppppp!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Maggi Mee

Sometimes I feel like eating the Maggi noodles. This food or rather 'poison' was forbidden in my family as I was growing up. Thanks to my parents.

However, in order to survive (especially during my varsity years) I had to resort to this noodles. When I had to go for field trips (which would mean a few days away from home) with my lecturer and course-mates, I had to face the hardships of reality ( hunger pangs hit me too hard for me to hold on to my principles of abstaining myself from taking this 'poison').

So, that was before.

Now, I am free to decide when to have it. Mmm, perhaps tonight!

Cats

In 1978 when I first had to live 'independently' in a hostel, my main concern was 'who would take care of my cats at home'?

My love for cats remained indisputably strong despite the fact that I didn't have any pet for many years after that.

However, stray cats seem to know my address, whether I am in Australia or Rawang........

To all the cats who love me unconditionally, I do adore you!

It Takes Two To Tango

One of the fears that teenagers face is the fear of not having a true friend to share their secrets with.

Maybe an adult like me never really has to think of it as I have my family members to turn to.

But teenagers are not the same. They are selective of their own family members for (another) fear of being laughed at. In short, they may end up feeling helpless........

So, parents out there.... and a reminder to me..... try ask our children if there is anything they wish to share with us. After a 1000 no's , they might say 'yes'. Hence, keep trying.... give them the opportunity to open up.......... and learn to keep our mouth shut while they relate to us their experience / problems.

They do have one.

Thank You, My Child!

When a student greets me, I (painstakingly) try to see who is this beautiful child, who cares to acknowledge me; as lately it can be a rarity to be greeted by students whom you do not teach.

Sometimes, there is an added bonus when this child is actually looking at me, with a smile on her/his face.

It is so @@@@ simple, and it is not expensive either. But my heart always praises the child's parents and family members who have educated the child to have such good manners.

Yet it cannot be bought, begged, borrowed or stolen,

for it is something that is no earthly good to anybody

till it is given away.....

and it is just a smile..........

To The Other Considerate Drivers , Bravo!

Mum cutting her birthday cake

In JB

It's a 'jalan-jalan' weekend.

On Friday, right after I was done with my school work, I hurriedly went to KFC to buy some lunch. By the way, it was my hero's birthday , hence, I should get something other than the usual rice and lauk for lunch.

We loaded every single piece of baggage into the car and off we went 'balik kampong'. It was also my mum's birthday! So, I stopped at Alor Gajah town to get a beautiful cake for her. Unfortunately, my cake was outshone by the other cakes bought by my brother and my sister-in- law. Anyhow, mum was glad I took the trouble to come back on her birthday.

The next morning we headed to Johore Bharu to visit Aisyah. Needless to say, she was thrilled to see us. There was no cake for her birthday, but Aisyah was already on cloud nine!

Sadly, we left for Tampin later that evening. I was simply exhausted and after half-an-hour nap, I went to Tampin Giant supermarket to buy dinner. As the whole family were gathered at the dining table, I could not help thinking that despite the simple dinner, every one was happy....

We rushed back to our lovely home early in the morning (thanx to all the other drivers who decided to stay at home while I was speeding on a Sunday morning, thank you, thank you!) to attend the 'Hari Kecemerlangan Ilmuwan' at SAMER. As soon as I took my seat in the hall, I dozed off..........until just before my daughter's name was called. What a miracle!

No One Is A Loser, Not Me!

To keep my sanity, I always have to think twice before I respond to any comments during my conversation with others.

This has become a good habit that saves me from the agony of being regretful later. Well, people are not baked in an oven. They are not mass produced. Neither are they hand-crafted.

People are people, one of God's many creations.

I guess it's not wrong to say that, we should just tell them the truth, tactfully.

That's why I have learnt to respect my bosses (and former bosses), my colleagues and my clients (despite their age)........ as they want to be treated in a respectful manner, no matter how difficult they are.

I don't lose..........it's all win-win...............

That Sweet Aunty

Once upon a time, a rather cute, plump and mischievous boy went to visit his relatives during CNY. He was given RM10.10 (as an angpow) by his sweet and kind auntie . It was a big amount of money when he was 3, but after 5 years, it was the smallest angpow he received every year. He was wondering why this auntie liked to give the same amount of money, year in , and year out.

'Perhaps auntie can only count up to RM10.10,' he wondered. Being a financially cautious person, he kept the money in his piggy bank, and later put in the money in his bank account.

Then, before any body realised it, years went by and the boy had grown into a young father. It was his turn to distribute angpows to his children, his nieces and nephews, his neighbours' children and just any girl and boy he met on the auspicious CNY.

That beautiful and kind auntie was no longer there to see him do just that. Nevertheless, she was rest assured that the young man had understood why she had invested RM10.10 every year........... it was a lesson on sincerity and humility.

That's Not Much, Really......

To get my camera repaired, I was asked to pay RM280.

What a perfect figure when you are planning to get a few other more important items for your family.

If only money grows on the many trees I have at home......... I'll rake the fallen notes every day and night.

Hence, the conclusion is , wait until this camera takes precedence over every other item on my shopping list. Till then, I choose to wait patiently for the magical tree to grow....

When Night Beckons

Recently, (in fact, very2 recently) ...... I notice how much the home atmosphere appeals to me (more than ever). This is especially so when my home is seen as a sanctuary to the tired people like me.

Rather childishly, I have placed a queen size mattress on my living room floor. Its strategic position, which is directly below an air-conditioning unit, enhances my desire to rest (yes, to take a wonderful nap) whenever I feel like doing so..........

That's why I have been wondering if I am too old to work or I am ill, or perhaps I need a break? Here I wish to thank one person who has promptly replied to this question which I post on my FB wall.

In view of this baffling phenomenon, I have asked around. Rather surprisingly, many of my colleagues are as exhausted as I am.

Then, it could be the weather............

Of Tears and Laughter

Friday, 16 April 2010 saw tears welling up in my eyes during a special assembly............ in honour of my Senior Asst's promotion as a principal.

Yes, I did not wet my handkerchief (cos I don't use one, hehe). Anyway, the point is I did not want to cry out loud.............

As a matter of fact, I am happy for her as I believe in her capabilities in handling all the resources in order to ensure a successful networking within the school.

All the stakeholders of SMK Tuanku Abdul Rahman................ you are one lucky lot! Here she comes.......

The Snaps

I really miss going round, taking snaps!

I need a camera badly........ or rather, I should take an initiative to get my camera repaired............ (talk about procrastinations).

It's Called Work..........

......when you wish you were doing something else!

I don't know why I have started a new label for my posts, which is "It's Called Work, When You Wish You Were Doing Something Else".

Tell me, why................

The Last Straw

What's happening?

A few months back, I was told by my friend that she had difficulties sleeping because of her workload........... That was hardly what I had ever experienced myself.

It's either I have forgotten the hardships I have ever encountered or it is for real!.......... Or I have 'forgiven' all the exhausting work.....

Having said that, I have learnt to tune off the unnecessary worries when I am at home. I do salute those doing administrative work for their ability in tackling the perennial difficulties...... Try sit in their room(s) at the school office (I have been there), and figure out the actual number of requests that they have to attend to.

Then, do a little bit of calculation on the actual number of GENUINE cases...............

That's the catch.......

The Encounter

After 27 years leaving my school (and its dorms), it is heartening to be able to make connections again through Facebook.

My seniors might remember me as a quiet girl whereas the juniors think that I am still 'athletic'. Well, people do change over time.

I am who I am now, still energetic and jovial ...... and still the same 'Has', laced with maturity and experience.

Sijil Paling Menyusahkan

It's that same atmosphere again!

What else should I do, other than pray to God that every single child will get what he deserves tomorrow.

According to some reliable sources, the SPM results will be out tomorrow. A few of my 5 Seroja students have called me up, enquiring about the reliability of the news.

Apart from my students (especially 5 Mawar and 5 Seroja 2009), my son is also subject to the pressures of waiting, and waiting with agony, for the announcement of their results. I think they care about the overall results of their respective school, as much as they care about their own results.

All right, I guess we shall wait and see...................

Dengue Fever, Again!

Back in 2008, Aisyah was badly affected by the dengue fever. I hate to recollect the past (this one, in particular).

But, whoosh... this time it's attacking Naimah, my second daughter.

I just came back from the hospital. Too bad I can't be with Naimah because I must return some important documents first thing tomorrow morning. It was almost midnight when I reached home. Then, immediately I rummaged through my bag to find the files to prepare the relief duty for Monday 8 March. I felt strange that I had to include my name in the list of 'Guru Tidak Hadir', but it's a fact I wished I could avoid. However, Naimah has suffered enough for 6 days , depending on medicines (and one jab, yesterday), while I was busily attending to a lot of commitments..........It's high time I put all these aside and be with her as soon as I leave the relief duty roster at the office.

She has sacrificed a lot , thus she deserves my undivided attention. For now, I need a good sleep........ minus the mosquitoes!

When Less Is More

Sincerity is highly appreciated, even if it might not have any dramatic effect to a relationship.

Sometimes, a person does not possess a warm and lively disposition. However, her (or his) words are always true and her promises are kept as best as possible. It sounds odd, but I value her noble acts more than her apparently 'cold' appearance.

To have a true friend is a bless!

Waiting For A Call

It's Thursday again!

Last Thursday I fell ill. My strength was put to a real test the next day, then, the following day, followed by that Sunday when I regained a surge of power to finish up setting the test paper.

My routine of swimming like a mermaid was disrupted by my sleepy head. I slept, and slept, and slept throughout the day. That night, suddenly, I went to the computer table and without much care about what else was going on, I quickly started typing. Everything ended at 4.30 am, when finally I had the opportunity to catch up on my dream......

I went to school feeling two hundred times happier on Monday. It was prize-giving day to the winners of the Bulan Bahasa competitions.

Nevertheless, my body succumbed to the fever which was already overwhelming on Tuesday. I took a leave (at last) and hence spent 5 hours from 9 am to 2 pm that day sleeping like a beautiful princess awaiting a kiss from a prince.

But in actual fact, every day, I am expecting a call from Aisyah. She surely has something in store for us. It might be a funny story or an experience, which, I least expected to be something new to her.

Yes, I forgot, she's only 15.

I Am Rejuvenated

That is me!

And that photo was taken after I came back from school on Saturday 20 February.

Mukhlis and Hasif were proud to be able to find a delicious cheese cake for mum on her birthday.

Aisyah had rung me up early that morning to wish me a "Happy Birthday, my sweet mum".

I supposed I can be quite a sweet person if I choose to.

An earlier celebration was held two days before that at a friend's house. I was sharing the birthday celebration with a new-found twin 'Ben'. I was not sure what he was thinking but anyhow I appreciate it! Thank you to my friend and his family, his friends (who are also mine) and a few more new friends whom I seemed to recognise the moment I stepped into his house! Thanks, all of you!!!

Sadly, I fell ill right after that.

Tonight, my condition has improved and my mind is clearer. It gives me hope to a fresh start....... all over again.

I Shall Remember This Day

Today, I came out of my bedroom at about 10 am. It had been quite some time since I had the opportunity to be a late riser.

Well, actually I reached home from Pudu Raya after midnight. Aisyah came home from Johore to be with her beloved family during this Chinese New Year holidays.

Since both of us were quite excited about this 'reunion' , we chose to sit in the living room, exchanging news .........she told me a lot about her new school, while I listened to her attentively, empathizing with her every moment at her school.

Of course, Sekolah Tun Fatimah is one of the High Performing Schools (or SBT , in Malay), but I needed to be sure that it lived up to the expectations.

After a few yawns, Aisyah decided to call it a day.

This morning, as I walked past the dining table, I saw some roti canai (bought by my husband)...Thanx a lot! I quickly searched for my children. "Mmmmm..... what about going to Tesco?", I prompted this suggestion. (Excuse me, I don't go shopping just because I don't know what else to do) . "Aisyah, what about getting a haircut?" "Zainab and Sarah, let's buy that cooking oil that we've been meaning to replenish".

And thus, we went to Tesco to get a haircut and to buy cooking oil.

I met Redzuwan, Mahfuzah, Pn Marhaini, Carl Choon, Kar Wai, Wai Mun and Siti Fatin in that shopping complex....it was fun! They even wished me "Happy Chinese New Year!"

After spending a few hundreds, we headed back home. So much about a haircut and cooking oil!

The Evening Is Nigh

Darkness has always been associated with something negative.

I have not known anything better than a bright sunlight (save for the oxygen) , in which every living thing may benefit from its chemical properties...............sigh! I am no scientist!

2009 is synonymous to a gruelling period of time. It was filled with emptiness, intermittent shocks and a teary heart..........................

I chose to keep most of these dreadful memories to myself.

As I reflect on the undesirable events that I have been through, they have instead turned the dust into gold. Indeed I have learnt a lot .....................

Now it is 2010......... and I am a bit wiser. Pray that my sanity is always in check, while I go through each ticking of the clock............

How Much Does It Worth?

A child's opinion.....

A teacher's appraisal.....

A piece of certificate..........

An A....

A string of As.........

Straight As...............

Humanity,

Humility,

A humdinger

of a civilised community....

and

I wish to be part of it.

2010

Every thing that comes to my mind right now is not in congruent with what I really feel.

The wiser me have been dictating to my lovely children to listen to our heads more than our hearts, or so they say.......

2010 is going to be another year filled with incidents which will end up sweet, rather than bitter. This soul will learn to acclimatise itself to another hurtful yet unavoidable event............or so they say.

2010...

I shall be a year older, and a year more tolerant, albeit a year more calculative...

My children shall be a year taller, and a year more lovable, even though a year more independent..

My students shall be a year younger, compared with the teacher...

My life shall be a year more interesting and fascinating, despite a year more of hardships....